this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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