You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
