That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
