Grow some girl-balls and come out already
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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