who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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