Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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