THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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