Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
After last night, I could never be a politician.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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