You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
There r osticjed everywhere
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
