I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
