the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
