Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
