Just fell off a train. Bad.
thus making me awesome and them whores
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
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