yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
