i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
