When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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