pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Someone shit on the floor
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
