An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
