come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
