I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
send nudes
from the living room?
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
