she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
