He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
accomplished twins. life is a go
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
