ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
