I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
