3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
