Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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