Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
