Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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