I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
