The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
