My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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