Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Holy shit dude........stairs
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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