dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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