Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Randomize
