If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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