i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
