she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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