haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What drink are we having for lunch?
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
