I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
