omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
