I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
