My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
