I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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