I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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