my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
