I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
