i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
