ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
did you just send me my own nude
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
