Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
