Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
